The dream.

I had a dream last night. It’s all kinda fuzzy to remember now that I’m awake…
I was in this big house, like a mansion. There were two floors, I was upstairs the whole time. I don’t think I was dead, but the people around me were. I didn’t know
Who any of them were, but they were all trying to prove something to me, or say something,, idk what. For some reason I knew they were dead. I woke up,, then went back to sleep & the dream continued,, everything was dark In the house. Idk whose house it was.
Nothing familiar was there. I didn’t feel scared. Just confused.
At the end. I went down stairs and there was someone like a security guard, guarding the main door,. I told him he should check upstairs
Cuz there’s dead people. & I woke
Up…. Confused and Not knowing what any of this means….
Anyone might have an idea??

I got my man back. ❤️🙏

Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve been on here. I haven’t been writing in awhile, which I miss. But my mind has been on other things,, in my very last post that I posted was about my breakup. And from a miracle, about after a month and a half I got him back, just by really trying to apply “the secret” and believing and trusting in The Lord. That whole month was really hard, but I had to trust that everything would be okay. I went to my grandmas house just about every weekend. Being able to learn from her life experiences& by finding who I am, And trying to get myself on track. Which is what I did.
It was very random how it all happened, but he came back to me and that’s all that matter. Everyday I can’t help but thank The Lord and the universe for letting things fall into place the way they were supposed too. Heartbreaks are super hard! Especially when I was going through mine, everything felt so wrong, little and dark. I Felt like I was never gonna get out of it. A point to where I almost stopped believing in everything I have believed in, because everything just seemed like it was going so wrong for me& I couldn’t understand why…
But now, everything is turned around. And I’m happy to say that I’m blessed. 🙏I try and live my days now: happier, much more thankful for HIM and my life, just thanking The Lord for everything. A miracle happened for me right before my eyes& just when I thought at times that I had lost him forever, I was wrong because he’s back into my life& I couldn’t have asked for anything better. ❤️

My breakup

I recently went through a break up with my boyfriend of 2 years.
It was so devastating. I feel like my heart has been split into two. It hurts a lot that I feel like the pain will never end. i feel so weak& ill. Like if my body is just so emotionally tired from being so heartbroken. I feel like everything is just going down hill for me. Like if nothing good is coming my way.
What ever happen to real love? Not some fake love people address.
I made a horrible mistake. I admit. That I don’t even know if I’ll be able to ever forgive myself. I just wasn’t thinking when I should’ve had. I should’ve stopped and thought about how my actions would hurt other people& now,, I’m paying the price for it. Each and everyday.
I feel like love never ends,No matter what. If you truly love somebody why leave them for a mistake they made? Why? Is that even love? I don’t get it… It’s confusing… Life’s confusing. Everything’s confusing. Instead, why not make things right? and stay to fight for each other…through the good and the bad. Isnt that what love is?
….now If your wondering,, no i did not cheat! but i did betray him.& hurt him. Never thinking id ever do that. But here I am, in this big world left with confusion and regrets. I’ve prayed to god everyday that he will keep us together,, & thats not what had happened. Instead I lost him. The one man I truly loved. I truly cared for. The one man i truly admired for everything he did& believed about. The one man that seen me at my worst and best and still accepted me. How could I have hurt him? I betrayed him… Why is it, that we hurt the ones we most truly love?
Break ups are so hard. I don’t even think I’d be able to move on, i honestly cant and don’t want too, because I still feel that we are meant to be. No matter what he thinks. I feel that deep in my heart. Im still trying to figure out what Ima do next,,, I pray and pray that The Lord brings him back to me. My whole life I’ve never made a mistake like this. I always knew right from wrong. This was way out of line& I wish It never happened, but it did. & I strongly believe that if its really meant to be like I feel in my heart,, then maybe just maybe well be re united again.
He says,, he can’t trust me & he can’t love someone that he doesn’t trust, But what he doesn’t know is that I’ve never lied to him. & that’s why I had to tell him the truth right away. Even if it wasn’t on that day, I still told him. & i didn’t lie about it. I wish he’d forgive me & try to work things out. & really see me for who i really am, But instead he’s running. why? I feel like I deserve this man, I really do. I never felt like I was a bad girlfriend to him, but I did have my own personal issues that had gotten in the way most times,& when I finally was able to resolve them& get past them. Something bigger had to happen. And I think.. Why to me? Haven’t I been through enough already? Mistakes happen, so we can learn to not do them again& to learn to grow…
I really need an angel right about now, and a miracle too. 🙏

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I can’t ever let go. 😔

The secret.

I’ve been thinking a lot on what I should write about in my blog today. There are so many things to talk about, but the question is.. What about?
I recently saw a documentary on “the secret.” And it talks about and explains how to “be peaceful.” And how to “think positive.” They explain and talk about how we Humans think and if it’s either good or bad, that energy will reflect around us. And can bounce on to someone else.
I was able to relate so much, and it helped me think about so much, and just by watching this it answered so many questions!
Our world is full of hate and destroying others that we don’t stop to think about how things would be if everyone got along and things were peaceful.
Our world that we live in has gotten so bad over the years that most people don’t realize it.
I really hope everyone can take a min and really look into the documentary “the secret.”
Because maybe your like me, and didn’t fully understand things.
Watching this, will have you thinking!
And it’s FREE, free information that psychologist, scientist and others give to everyone!

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This is my oath. 🙂
✌❤

Jealousy and insecurities.

I’m pretty sure a lot of ladies have been through times in there lives where you just feel insecure and jealous over something that’s happened with a boyfriend/ husband.
Today, I feel like talking about how jealously and insecurities affect my life….
I been with my bf for about 2 years. And in those two years I still get jealous. A lot of times! Most times when the jealousy occurs it usually for nothing, and just because I thought “he was checking her out, or because they know each other.” I don’t know, something stupid like that.
I have always been the jealous type. And it sucks! I try and try to not be jealous or insecure. But I feel as time goes on by I feel more jealous and insecure about things much more than before. I’m not sure why this is….
I guess I sometimes wish my looks can be more alluring than what it is now.
Maybe that will get him to look at me more?, but than I think “personality is what should be key.” And not the fact that I don’t look like a super model,
but just a “sad looking” 19 year old, average height, A little more over an average weight looking girl. A lot of times i wish that i looked super good looking so I would have that confidence and not worry about being jealous all the damn time. I don’t know,
Sometimes, I have to stop and think for a minute about those feelings and how GOD created my looks. And about how I should be thankful. But a lot of times I feel as if that’s not even enough.
Which is really harsh of me to say.
Jealousy and insecurities Is something I really really have to work on. Which is really hard for me because I feel as If I don’t really have a lot of support for that. I know having confidence is what makes our men attracted to us, but sometimes I feel it’s so hard that I just want to stay at home and not even go out.
I pray to god that soon I will overcome this problem of mine, because slowly it’s eating me and making me feel worse over time.
He says he loves me, he says I’m beautiful. he says to “relax” and not worry(But i feel as if I start to relax and not worry, something awful would happen.) I know that this is a problem I have to encounter on my own.
I don’t even know if HE can help me with this.
just going out with HIM and seeing a beautiful lady pass by us just makes me feel like CRAP.
Having a big problem with insecurities and jealousy just makes things worse in a relationship. It makes me feel as if I’m not good enough for HIM. i really wish I was much more stronger to over come this problem quickly… Because I know insecurity is an ugly thing and it can destroy me.

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Do I have a food addiction?

I’ve always wondered, “do I have a food addition problem?”
As I remember for a very long time I’ve always ate so much. I was always hungry and could eat a lot! I was skinny but had a stomach. Growing up, and getting older I still eat like I did! I get hungry about every hour. And eat a lot! The only way I can get full is if I eat a big meal! And I’m good for about 2 hours.
Sometimes I’ll even eat so much to the point where I feel ill. I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just when it gets to that point where I’m getting full.. My brain is saying yes, and my stomach is saying no.
I eat when I’m bored.
Somedays when I get in that mood from having a crappy day, I won’t even feel hungry and if that’s the case I can go days without eating, without feeling hungry and I’d lose my weight quick.
There’s sometimes where I even feel embarrassed to eat in front of people, because I’m scared ill eat to much.
I think about food a lot during the day. Sometimes I’ll even wanna go home quick from a place I been just so I can go eat something.
I eat literally like “there’s no tomorrow.” seriously, I do.
I am not skinny, but I’m not over weight either. I’m about an average weight for a 19 year old, but have a stomach. That’s been a problem forever! Something hard to lose.
I need to try and motivate myself to eat healthy and exercise!
I wanna feel good for ME! And hopefully that will help my insecurities a little.
…so if anyone can help me out and let me know if this is a food addiction problem. That would be great! Thanks!
XO 💋